i cannot keep doing this anymore

I cannot keep doing this anymore

this dance for fools

for fools like us

this same old same old song.

this tightrope i’ve been walking on.

this push pull and shove

this thing we’ve called love.

its really control and S&M.

It’s all about you telling me what to do

all the entire damned time

about everything

you don’t want a wife

you want a puppy

you want a bitch in heat

something to lie next to your feet

something that needs to be fixed

and that’s simply unacceptable to me.

If I agree to postpone the divorce?

If I try to make things work out again,

all this means is sooner or later

you will hit me again.

sooner or later everything will all be my fault all again

because thats how you spin it

you spin it to win it.

If I stay I will be foolish to expect anything different than this crash course

we’ve eroded upon.

Where sooner or later everything blows up in my face again.

I need to leave you.

I need to stop loving you.

I need to be free from you.

i cannot keep doing this anymore

seeking solace

seeking solace- by E.H.Cato

6/11/15

I turn over the ground the sharpen stones

with barren hands. i yearn for the simple gemstones

composed of rose quartz, amethyst, tigers eye, sea shells

i grab up fistfuls of grassy dirt

a five leaf clover drops into my lap.

i had never heard of one before.

i dig some more

outside of the virgin marys stone chapel.

i’m seeking solace

carved by bre boned hands.

i dig even deeper to find

the remains of my true lovers heart-

ripped apart

bloodied by battle scars.

i wonder aloud about my dipshit divorce

about why my marriage failed?

of why i am – was- is -am -always

never good enough

for love

or semi precious gemstones

at least i kept

the five leaf clover.

seeking solace